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Others may have had penetrative sex but not “count” it for one reason or another.Still others may have never so much as held hands with someone who wasn’t a family member.Women on the other hand are taught that their sexual desirability has a built in expiration date; pass a specific point and nobody will have want to have sex with you, not when they could bang someone younger instead.This gets especially caught up in the (admittedly old-fashioned) idea of women being an “old maid” if they haven’t found a partner or spouse by an equally random age.Because of all of the importance placed on the concept of virginity, people are convinced that having passed some arbitrary cut-off point that they have rendered themselves utterly unfuckable and have somehow missed on a critical aspect of growing up.They may get older but they will never truly be Virginity has an outsized level of influence in Western culture, especially in countries with large conservative religious communities; the idea of sex and “purity” get completely intertwined and then but up against gender roles that completely contradict those values.
That deadline – the idea we have to lose our virginity by X date or remain forever unfuckable – tends to vary; we tend to put undue importance on arbitrary dates because they carry totemic significance for us.Some may become bitter and resentful, feeling as though they’re being cheated of something that they’re rightfully “owed”.Others will have their pre-existing approach anxiety ramped up to near pathological levels, leaving them with anxiety attacks and a crippling shyness around people they’re attracted to.Still others will be unpleasantly needy or put all of their focus on just trying to find someone to sleep with, instead of dealing with them as people.
Small wonder that they have issues finding that first sex partner; it’s their that ends up causing them problems, rather than their relative state of inexperience.
For some, it’s a quest to lose our virginity the night of The Big School Event (Homecoming, Prom, Spring Formal, what-have-you) because it’s part of the modern high-school mythology that we’ve made up.